§171 The Last Onion

March 19, 2008

As I stood in the kitchen, cutting vegetables, they sat there and laughed at me. The two onions. They knew they were next. They were going to be cutted and put with the rest in the pan. But not before giving me severe pain in the eyes.
They say onions make people cry. I don’t know about others, to me they rather cause pain in the eyes. Pain making my eyes water, making it impossible to see what I’m doing. I’m blindly fumbling around with the knife and the onion, hoping to cut the onion and not my fingers. And this is before I’ve started cutting them. It’s enough just to peal them and I can barely see.
Ok, so I’m exaggerating a little, I can see what I’m doing. But barely.
As I cut the last onion, my wife came by. I told her, for some reason in English, “This is the last onion”. I pondered on that sentence. Maybe it was because it for no reason was in English out of a sudden that made it. But it just hit me. “That sounds like a movie title” I said. “It’s definitelly going to be the title of my next blog post”. So there you go. The last onion. Feel the powerful words. Feel the impact of it. It’s the last onion.

In any case, they’re cut, and my wife is doing something eatable out of them in the kitchen right now. Time for dinner soon. I came back from work around half an hour ago. My plans for the evening? As usual. Eat, do the dishes, study. In that order. And I’ll probably eat something more before I go to sleep as I’m fasting tomorrow. It’s the fast of Esther.

My wife just requested a couple of “Friends” episodes to the meal and coffee. I said ok. I’ll just have to do the dishes really fast after that so I have time to study. There’s a paper that needs to be handed in by Sunday. I solved all 5 questions on the paper, but it takes time to write it down on the computer, to draw all the graphs, etc.

Gotta go. Diaper emergency.

Ok, done. Recent conversation:
Wife: Make sure you wipe it all off, that kind of poo is invisible, but it’s still there.
Me: Kinda like angels.
Wife: Yes. It’s angel poo.

Time to eat. We’ll see if I have time to blog more this evening.



  1. Ha, angel poo.

    Vividly written. It is rather powerful: The last onion. Sounds like a herald for the end-days.

  2. You know, if you run an onion under the sink and let the water run over it, it will cause less tears.

    And as to why wife has to say invisible poo… well it actually isnt invisible. Its visable. Just not to a man. A woman needs to remind him of basic hygiene principles is what the truth of the matter is. After one goes to the bathroom, doesn’t one always wipe??? Well, doesn’t it then make sense to wipe your children? Ummm I know you are smart…. lets just think…

    *sigh* Maybe this is the true reason why God counts the tears of women? Your onion tears are well…. onion tears.

  3. Oh my God, what have you done to me, I am starting to feel pity for poor onions, you know, sitting there like poor innocent labs, waiting helplessly to be killed… From now on I will cry even more while chopping them

  4. Just don’t let anyone know that any of the tears are real tears.
    Actually, we men need a stock of onions in our cupboard that we can take out in a case of emergency and just pretend to cut. Then we can cry as much as we want and just blame the onions!

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