Archive for August, 2008

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§216 Tuvia says: buying a new laptop is good for you!

August 27, 2008

Because then the wife can tempt you to make silly poses for the new webcam instead of preparing the Bible lesson on 1st Chronicles 28-29 for tomorrow.

She tempted me to play along. Only her fault. I didn’t enjoy it at all. Well, maybe a little. Maybe even a little more than a little. Okay, I enjoyed it a lot. It was really fun. But that’s beside the point. The point is that… uhm… that I should prepare the Bible lesson and not blog.

Bye!

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§215 My phone speech on my sister’s other wedding

August 22, 2008

They will call me any minute now. The speech is prepared. My sister who got married here in Israel in April is having a “make believe” wedding in Sweden at this very moment for the family over there. Everything is in English because her husband Tal and his parents are there too and they don’t speak Swedish (I just realised how silly it is to mention that the groom is at his own wedding. Oh, well). I will do the speech in Swedish and Hebrew instead. And then do a little song I wrote in English with some mixed words in Swedish and Hebrew here and there. I’m gonna make a total fool out of myself. When I sing I sound like a cross between a walruss and a goat, but I’m ok with that.
Come to think of it, I have no idea how many people are there and how many people will hear what I say. Oh well. This is for my sister. I have sent my parents the text of the song, so they will put it up in giant print as I sing it, so people will be able to follow. That’s good. Less pressure on me to annunciate! I should do that anyway, though. And no one but me knows the speech yet, so that should definitelly be well annunciated. In any case I will wait for them to call and only publish this afterwards. They’ll stage it as if I’m calling and disturbing in the middle of the wedding. She has no idea! Below is the speech and the song. For Swedish and Hebrew speakers, you should know that I’m extremely sarcastic when I state what she is for and against. It’s more like the other way around. Anyway, I will write more stuff below the song after the it’s all done.

Hej Annalill!

מה המצב?

Tänkte bara ringa och snacka lite. Det är väl idag som ni typ låtsas att ni gifter er?

זה היום שאתם עושים כאילו חתונה, נכון? האהא – הייתי בחתונה האמיתית. וכל השבדים האלה לא.

Nu är det ju så att på mitt bröllop så utlyste du en tyst minut, om du minns?

זוכרת? שהכרזת על דקה דומייה בחתונה שלי?

REVENGE! MUAHAHAHA!

 

תראי, אני מקווה שאתם באמת באמת מאושרים עד כדי גועל עכשיו. ממש גועל עד כדי כך שהאנשים סביבכם כרגע בשולחן פשוט רוצים להטביע את הראשים המאושרים שלכם ברוטב או לא יודע מה זה הסושי סמושי שאתם אוכלים שם.

 

Jag hoppas verkligen att ni är riktigt äckligt lyckliga. Sådär äckligt lyckliga så att dom runtomkring er vid bordet bara vill dränka era lyckliga fejs i såsen eller vad det nu är för sushi-bjäfs ni smaskar i er där.

 

Vi har så mycket minnen, du och jag, Annalill. Vi blev båda runtsläpade mellan två länder i de mest kritiska åren av våran uppväxt vilket gjorde oss totalt identitetslösa och förvirrade. Vi har mycket gemensamt. Vi är ju båda varma anhängare av Livets Ord och av USA’s Irakkrig, och vi är båda hatiska motståndare mot allt vad gayparader heter.

 

הזכרתי ששנינו הועברנו ממדינה למדינה בשנים הכי קריטיות של גיל הנעורים, מה שהפך את שנינו לחסרי זהות של ממש. בלבול מוחלט. מעבר לכך יש לנו הרבה במשותף. שנינו תומכים נלהבים של המפד”ל ובעד גירוש המוני של בני המיעוטים. שנינו גם כן מתנגדים חריפים לכל מצעדי הגאווה באשר הם.

 

טל – שתדע לך. אתה לוקח כעת אישה שבדית ממשפחה שבדית. אומנם היא שבדית מאוד ישראלית, אבל עדיין שבדית. ואתה לוקח אותה ממשפחתה ומביא אותה לארץ. אני עשיתי את אותו הדבר. אז סתם שתדע – ככה לידע כללי – אני נתתי 20 גמלים לחמי. אז… טוב, החלטה שלך.

 

Ja, om ni undrar så babblade jag bara lite oväsentlig israelisk inrikespolitik och gav Tal lite dåligt samvete för att när jag kom till Sverige och tog en fruga att sticka hem till Israel med så gav jag min svärfar 20 kameler.

 

Anyway… jag ska inte vara långrandig. Det är därför jag köpt en massa kortrandiga pyjamasar. *Hahahaha*. Annalill älskar sådana ordvitsar. Det är precis hennes humor. Ännu roligare tycker hon det är när man direktöversätter uttryck från språk till språk. Som när man säger ”Jag ska visa dig var fisken pissar”, eller ”טל, אתה מלפפון הנשיקות שלי”.

 

רק עכשיו הבנתי שזה נשמע קצת מוזר למי שלא הבין את ההקשר בשבדית… נו טוב, תלמדו.

 

אז תשמעי, אחותי. אני אוהב אותך. אני שמח שמצאת את טל ואני מאחל לכם חיים מאושרים וארוכים ביחד. אני רוצה לקצר במילים, אז את יודעת מה אומרים… תמונה אומרת יותר מאלף מילים. אז הנה תמונה. אה, בעצם אתם לא רואים אותה… היא פה מול השפופרת… זה תמונה של… את ואני… בעצם התמונה הזאת אומרת הרבה פחות מאלף מילים… תעזבי, זה לא הולך. אני אשיר משהו במקום. עכשיו אני כמובן אעשה צחוק מעצמי. לגמרי. כשאני מנסה לשיר אני בד”כ נשמע כמו שילוב של חסידה צרודה ותנשמת מבוהלת. בכל מקרה הנה זה.

 

Ja, den där bilden jag försökte hålla upp mot luren sa inte alls tusen ord. Så jag ska ta och göra bort mig totalt istället genom att sjunga nåt. Jag vill bara varna er att jag brukar låta som en korsning mellan en get och en valross.

My little sister and I

Music –”American Pie” by Don McLean

A long long time ago, I can still remember how that baby used to make me smile
And I knew that if I hugged her tight,
She would think that I’m alright
And maybe I’ll protect her for a while
But every time – she kicked and hit me
I think at one point she even bit me
We loved each other deeply
Hundkalaset was paused completely
I can’t remember if I cried
When I saw her standing as a bride
But something touched me deep inside
The day she married Tal

So my, my little sister and I
She used to bug me, used to hug me, used to make me cry
And today I see she is completely in love
With the man who was sent from above
With the Tal who was sent from above

Every time she ran away
I would scream and make her stay
Because that’s what older brothers do
We’d fly a spaceship to the moon
And then go home to watch cartoons
And always fight a little too
We grew up and moved to Israel
We learned Hebrew together as well
And then I had to analyze
How to protect her from those guys
Because I knew they were as bad as me
So get off my sister, let her be
But for some reason she wanted to be free
Well, at least she married Tal

So my, my…

Now for eight years we’ve been on our own
And finally we’re both fully grown
And you’ve switched country every other year
I remember all the stuff you took
At least you returned my Eagle book
Fast jag tror nog att det finns mer

With a hand under leg we say “godday”
Karate kicks we made up one day
We had that teacher that we could tell
Was a psycho bitch from hell
You’ve got a great husband now (is he sponge worthy?)
We will always be best friends you and me
Even if I’m a mitnachel and you’re a smolani
I’m glad you married Tal

So my my…

This was definitelly a success. A bit weird that I’m just sitting at home talking and singing in the phone not hearing any response, but I got applause in the end and a thankyou from my sister. She said that was the greatest song anyone had ever written for her. 😀 If most parts are impossible to understand, it’s mostly because they’re a few pretty internal jokes.

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§214 Vacation in Jerusalem

August 18, 2008

My wife basically wrote everything already, but I guess I’ll just say the same. On Friday we went to my wife’s parents’ apartment (they’re away in Sweden) and borrowed their apartment for a few days. I got Sunday-Monday-Tuesday off from work (Yeay! I have a normal job now!) so we were there Friday-Monday (today). It was great being somewhere else for a while. Reload the batteries, take more time with the family, and just be with one another. No TV, no computer. Just us.

On Saturday we went to the park and let the kids run around and play. On Sunday we walked to the Old City, and I helped Efraim write a note to put in the Western Wall. I pointed at the dome of the rock and explained the difficult political and religious reasons (on a four-year old’s level) why the temple is not rebuilt, and why we only have the wall left.

And, as my wofe wrote, it’s official. We are learning Spanish. It’s such a huge and useful language, and so EASY, it would be a waste not to learn it. Why easy? Well, first of all, NO CASES! (I almost killed myself over all the cases in Latin and German), only two genders (NOT three as in Latin and German) and the pronounciation is the same as the writing (NO swallowing half the letters as in French and English). Also, VERY few irregularities (In English I think the regularities ARE the irregularities…) and huge usefulness (a bunch of million speakers). The real advantage here is that my wife did study it for 2 years in high school and still has the book. It’s a great start. Me llamo Tuvia. Vivo en Israel. Tengo veinteseis años. That’s basically my level at the moment. But it’ll be better.

I’ve started to write the post about life philosophies. Work is in progress. Stay tuned. Get the expectations high and rolling. When you read it – it will exceed all your expectations. Because it will be a huge dissapointment.

Be like a duck

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§213 No peace without true democracy – Sharansky and Eid

August 13, 2008

A known ex-politician in Israel, Nathan Sharansky, and a well known Palestinian human rights activist, Bassem Eid, launched together a very good article in the Wall Street Journal on August 8th about the current situation here in Israel.

There can be no peace without a democratic rule in the Palestinian areas.

“…

Israel, America and the free world share much of the blame for this fiasco. As Arafat and his Fatah party were busy hollowing out Palestinian civil society and turning control of the Palestinian economy over to corrupt cronies, the world showered them with money and diplomatic support. Hundreds of millions of dollars were transferred to Arafat’s private slush fund so that he could “strengthen” his standing among the Palestinians.

Palestinians have suffered greatly for this neglect of democracy. Since the beginning of the second intifada in September 2000, internecine violence has reached unprecedented heights. According to the Palestinian Human Rights Monitoring Group, the death toll includes: 122 killed in the streets (suspected collaborators), 41 by capital punishment, 34 honor killings, 48 stabbed to death, seven beaten to death, 258 killed under mysterious circumstances and 818 cases of gunfire. So far no one has been charged let alone tried for any of these unlawful killings.

Where is the money that was supposedly spent on reforming the judicial system? Where is the international outrage as Palestinian leaders drag their own society further into the abyss?

When one of us [Bassem Eid] worked for Israel’s Betselem cataloging Israel’s human-rights violations, the international community embraced every report. But when intellectual honesty demanded that he monitor Palestinian human-rights violations according to the same standards, no one was interested. Those reports were dismissed as undermining the Palestinian leaders — first Arafat and now Mr. Abbas — who would make peace with Israel.

If Israelis and Palestinians are to pave a path toward peace, they must pursue a radically different course. The peace process must be linked to building and strengthening Palestinian civil society. In June 2002, President Bush boldly declared a vision based on such a course and took some steps to implement it — such as refusing to deal with corrupt leaders (Arafat), and meeting Palestinian democratic dissidents. But in the final analysis, his administration did not fundamentally change direction. It is now pursuing a course that essentially resuscitates the failed policies of the past.

It is high time that Palestinian civil society be fully recognized by the international community as a prerequisite to peace, not as an obstacle to it. If Palestinian civil society is not empowered, the Fatah-controlled West Bank may soon be ruled by Hamas, and Fatah leaders there may find themselves one day having to rely on Israel’s Supreme Court to save them.”

Read the full article here:

http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB121815474002722569-lMyQjAxMDI4MTA4ODEwNTg0Wj.html

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§212 Georgia vrs Russia – and Chinese girls

August 13, 2008

I knew he would do a cartoon about it. He probably just had to think of what to say about it.

The original is right here toogether with the cartoonists further thoughts. Your thoughts?

 

Also I am outraged at China for this

I say we find the email of Yang Peiyi and make sure she gets fan mail from all over the world, to let her know she is the real celebrity.

By the way, this could easily happen in the US too.

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§211 Quotes that should be on T-Shirts

August 12, 2008

“Real Men Change Diapers”

“You’re just JEALOUS because the voices are talking to ME!”

“Yarran-meſ-kuſpi-popn-ni-yuwa”

“Gilgamesh, esh tadal? Balatam sha tasahhuru la tutta”

“Nobody is perfect. I am nobody”

“How you doin’?”

“I judge people by their grammar”

“Give it up, I’m way out of your league”

“Are you an ostrich?”

“Baloo for president”

“Make me smile. Now!”

“Don’t believe anything I tell you”

 

Add more. My brain is drained at the moment.

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§210 Multilingualism, Georgia and Accounting

August 11, 2008

I have continued to ponder over a few different life philosophies. I just need the time to blog about it. Another time. I will compare Disney movies, bible and sumerian philosophy. Stay tuned.

I received on a discussion group in Hebrew on facebook some criticism for my ideas in the last post. This about not consuming too much. Someone said that our exaggerated consumation is what keeps the third world factories in business. If we stop, the third world worker will be unemployed. If he has bad conditions, they need to form worker unions.

Your thoughts?

My wife blogged about the advantages of multilingualism. I added a bunch of advantages in a comment.

I am still learning excel functions. I didn’t know there were more than SUM… There are hundreds of them!

Anyway… nothing special. My work is going well, I’m slowly but surely learning to be an accountant.

Anyone has any clue what’s going on in Georgia? I’m a bit confused with all South Ossetian and Russia and everything. I hear propaganda from here and there and based on my knowledge from the Middle East I don’t trust the newspapers a bit. So is it big evil Georgia against poor little South Ossetia or is it big evil Russia against poor little Georgia? Russia points finger claiming “Georiga started it”. Why would they attack a super power like Russia? I find that hard to believe. And why is it so impossible to google this? Because those americans have a STATE named Georgia which makes it IMPOSSIBLE to search for the country. You couldn’t think of a better name for a state? Let’s keep going, name all the states after oher countries in the world. Make googling impossible.

I did find a few Georgian official websites. They’re all not working. Shot down by the Russians…?

Real men change diapers